I used to get so upset when people would leave the Heart-centered Spiritual Biz Support for Angelic Women Entrepreneurs Facebook Group or unsubscribe from the newsletter after I just poured my heart out to people who I thought really dug me and understood me.
As a Lightworker, I often wear my heart on my sleeve. I display my feelings, instead of hiding them. Society wants to tell us this is a negative thing. Actually, I think it’s pretty brave.
Lately, the term Spiritual Bypassing has been introduced into my vocabulary by a good friend. She explained to me that spiritual bypassing is a “tendency to use spiritual ideas and practices to sidestep or avoid facing unresolved emotional issues, psychological wounds, and unfinished developmental tasks.”
Or basically, “stop being so sensitive Christina, you’re drawing these people to you because you’re a match for rejection.”
And honestly, a few years ago, I believed it. I took the rejection personally. I asked myself:
How did I fail these people?
Why am I not good enough for these people?
Why don’t they like me?
And it was my own personal hell because it brought up all of the times I was rejected in my youth. Recently I was talking about abandonment and how it’s such a pervasive monster in the group I belong to when I need coaching. I am lucky enough to have a mother that wanted me more than anything else in her life. But I was unlucky enough to have a father who thought drugs and crime were more important than me. And what I found is no matter how much someone loves us, when someone rejects us, it still carries a deep wound.
And this wound is still present in my life. I know I’m loved. I know I’m wanted. But every now and again this fear of abandonment that I learned from my father — the person who was supposed to protect me in this life — bleeds into other aspects of my life.
So when people would unsubscribe or unfriend me from Facebook or leave my Facebook, despite knowing logically I have plenty of friends and family that DO love me, the abandonment issues creep up and throw me into a mess. I get moody, irrational, and for a few seconds, think everyone hates me.
I’m sure I’m not alone. I’m positive you’ve felt like this too. Because it’s the human experience. Everyone has abandonment issues to some degree.
Whether you’re running your own business and building your empire, or you’re just trying to navigate your personal life, I want to share a mindset shift technique that has really helped me.
No, it won’t fix the abandonment issues.
Yes, rejection will still hurt.
But maybe it will hurt a little less. And a little less.. and a little less.. and instead of wondering, “how was I match to this rejection?” or “why don’t these people like me?” we can flip the script and move forward into the light of the situation.
The rational truth is that it’s unreasonable to think everyone, everywhere, all of the time, is going to like us. First, we have to understand that rejection is going to happen.
Second, we need to understand that it’s not really about us. When people reject us, it’s not because there’s technically something wrong with us personally, but that we aren’t a match to their vibration.
I know from being an intuitive and a psychic reader for pretty much my entire life that there is no energy out there that is really good or bad. I don’t see energy in terms of levels going vertically, where the top is “good” and the bottom is “bad.” I see the levels of energy more as outward expressions, all level on the playing field, but different. And if we come into contact with an energy that is erratic or opposite of ours, it’s going to feel uncomfortable.
Not because it’s bad but because it’s different. And different is ok. Difference and diversity add flavor. It makes the world go ’round.
So instead of focusing on what’s wrong with me, or you, focus on the objective truth that their energy is not a match to yours (ours).
And we don’t have to actually feel guilty about it. That’s the big one. It’s not personal.
Stick with the people who love you. Focus your attention on them. Allow the ones who reject you to momentarily allow you to feel into what rejection feels like — because we don’t want to spiritual bypass or ignore rejection, we just want to become emotionally unattached to it — and then decide that by them moving out of your life, that is helping to make space to bring people into your life that are a vibrational match.
And above all else, decide that your love for yourself and the people who love you is stronger than any rejection you could ever face. Give freely, expect nothing in return, and let people figure it out for themselves.